1
00:00:02,083 --> 00:00:04,333
(horn honking)
(gasps)

2
00:00:04,333 --> 00:00:05,667
Geez.
Hey.

3
00:00:05,667 --> 00:00:07,291
(growls)

4
00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:09,458
Dang.

5
00:00:09,458 --> 00:00:10,708
(panting)

6
00:00:13,959 --> 00:00:15,208
(grunts)

7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,375
PEDRO:
Hello, Napoleon.

8
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,667
NAPOLEON:
Hey, Pedro.

9
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,375
(grunting)

10
00:00:21,375 --> 00:00:22,667
(sighing)

11
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:30,083
♪ ♪

12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,834
Awesome.

13
00:00:37,834 --> 00:00:39,000
Dang!

14
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,708
KIP:
"If a farmer harvests
1,000 acres of corn,

15
00:00:45,708 --> 00:00:47,000
what will be its yield?"

16
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,875
165,000 bushels.
Grandma, go!

17
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,667
What's wrong
with this cow's teats?

18
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:53,000
They're going
every which way.

19
00:00:53,083 --> 00:00:55,500
Bovine mastitis,
stage three! Rico!

20
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,500
Why does my steak
taste like crap?

21
00:00:57,500 --> 00:00:58,708
Because you're a freakin' mooch.

22
00:00:58,708 --> 00:00:59,834
Get off my property.

23
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:01,375
But if you really want to know,

24
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:04,375
this is utility beef,
unfit for human consumption.

25
00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,125
Correct.

26
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:07,792
You are on
fire, Napoleon.

27
00:01:07,792 --> 00:01:08,875
You know I am.

28
00:01:08,875 --> 00:01:10,667
Curtis and I are
totally gonna dominate

29
00:01:10,667 --> 00:01:12,917
the state competition again,
just like last year.

30
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,500
(cow mooing)

31
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:17,708
I even memorized the Future
Farmers of America Creed.

32
00:01:17,708 --> 00:01:20,959
"I believe in
the future of agriculture,

33
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,667
"with a faith born
not of words but of deeds.

34
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,959
I believe..."

35
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,667
Well, I believe
we got to go.

36
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:30,333
Fine! I'll just do it
for Tina.

37
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,291
"I believe in the...

38
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:34,959
Stupid lard!

39
00:01:36,750 --> 00:01:38,083
Jerks.

40
00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:45,291
Hey, Curtis, you ready
to kick some "A" at State?

41
00:01:45,291 --> 00:01:47,333
You know it!
Wow, Napoleon!

42
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,667
You look so handsome
in your uniform.

43
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:52,000
You should be the
FFA catalog model.

44
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,208
I tried.
They liked my torso,

45
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:55,792
but they hated my face.

46
00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,250
Well, good luck at State.

47
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,708
Bring me home a T-shirt?

48
00:01:58,708 --> 00:01:59,792
Absolutely.

49
00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,875
They're $4.99.

50
00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:05,458
Ninety-nine!

51
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:09,125
Deb looks cute today.

52
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:11,417
Yeah. Too bad
she hates you.

53
00:02:11,417 --> 00:02:14,959
Well, well, if it isn't
the Future Failures of America.

54
00:02:15,041 --> 00:02:17,417
Yeah, right, Don, like
a farmer ever failed.

55
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:19,625
So, what are you gonna do
this year, Napoleon,

56
00:02:19,625 --> 00:02:21,959
stick your hand
in a bunch of cow butts?

57
00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,208
Yea-heah!

58
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:26,625
That event only happens
at nationals, Don.

59
00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:29,417
Besides, FFA isn't
just about farming,

60
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,917
it's about friendship
and unforgettable memories.

61
00:02:31,917 --> 00:02:33,166
Right, Curtis?

62
00:02:33,166 --> 00:02:34,250
Curtis,

63
00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,083
what are you doing
on Don's side?

64
00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,625
Sorry, Napoleon,
but Don's razzing
really struck a chord.

65
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,875
I'm gonna be one of
the popular kids now.

66
00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:43,375
You don't just quit FFA
and become popular.

67
00:02:43,375 --> 00:02:44,917
It doesn't work like that.

68
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,291
Hey, Curtis, you coming to
my above-ground pool party?

69
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:51,250
You know it!
Yea-hea-heah!

70
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:52,875
(laughter)

71
00:02:52,875 --> 00:02:55,583
(long sigh)

72
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:58,333
KIP:
♪ Time for some me time ♪

73
00:02:58,333 --> 00:03:01,166
♪ Bubble bath take me away ♪

74
00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:03,917
♪ Lavender
to clear my thoughts ♪

75
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,542
♪ And now my bath is ready. ♪

76
00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:13,166
Dang it! Forgot Cornelius.

77
00:03:15,875 --> 00:03:16,875
(gasps)

78
00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:18,083
Spider!

79
00:03:18,083 --> 00:03:19,583
Grandma, are you
near the monitor?

80
00:03:19,583 --> 00:03:21,583
GRANDMA:
Always listening, Kipper.

81
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:23,708
Get in here quick.
Daddy long legs.

82
00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:24,959
(running footsteps)

83
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:26,375
Where is the sucker?

84
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:27,542
(whimpers)

85
00:03:27,542 --> 00:03:29,542
Don't hurt it!
I know a Chinese guy

86
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,083
who'll pay top dollar
for its venom.

87
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:32,959
(Grandma grunts, duck squeaks)
Corny!

88
00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,458
(Grandma grunts)

89
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:37,750
(Kip and Rico exclaiming)
He's got backup.

90
00:03:41,625 --> 00:03:42,792
(glass shatters)

91
00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:43,750
Geez!

92
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,917
(Grandma screams)

93
00:03:45,917 --> 00:03:48,083
I don't care what
Chun-Wei is paying,

94
00:03:48,083 --> 00:03:49,458
I'm not going back in there

95
00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:50,792
until you get
that place fumigated.

96
00:03:50,792 --> 00:03:53,375
But where will we live
while our house is all gassy?

97
00:03:53,375 --> 00:03:55,542
Shaylene said we could
stay in that cabin

98
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:56,875
where her uncle hung himself.

99
00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,000
Nonsense.

100
00:03:58,083 --> 00:04:00,000
My Santana sleeps
up to five people,

101
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,083
six if they're missing limbs.

102
00:04:01,083 --> 00:04:02,375
You guys are staying with me.

103
00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,792
But Grandma says
I'm not allowed in your van.

104
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:06,917
It's okay if I'm
with you, Kip.

105
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,542
NAPOLEON:
Pedro, I really need you

106
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:11,125
to be my partner at FFA.

107
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,875
I'd like to help you, Napoleon,
but it's Spirit Week,

108
00:04:13,875 --> 00:04:15,542
and I'm under a lot of pressure.

109
00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:17,041
What do you think
of this one?

110
00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:18,875
I like it,
but I don't love it.

111
00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:21,125
You're impossible!

112
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,125
(girls crying)

113
00:04:22,125 --> 00:04:23,667
You see what I'm dealing with?

114
00:04:23,667 --> 00:04:25,291
Come on, we'll make
a killer team.

115
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,708
We always have.

116
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,208
("Me and Julio Down by the
Schoolyard" intro plays)

117
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:29,834
Whoa...

118
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,959
Whee!

119
00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:34,291
♪ In a couple of days
they come and take me away ♪

120
00:04:34,291 --> 00:04:35,875
♪ But the press
let the story leak ♪

121
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,792
(dog barking)
♪ And I'm on my way ♪

122
00:04:39,333 --> 00:04:42,125
♪ I don't know where I'm going ♪

123
00:04:42,125 --> 00:04:43,792
♪ I'm on my way ♪

124
00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:46,083
♪ I'm taking my time,
but I don't know where ♪

125
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:50,083
♪ Good-bye Rosie,
Queen of Corona ♪

126
00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,291
(buzzer sounds)

127
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,667
♪ See you, me and Julio
down by the schoolyard ♪

128
00:04:54,667 --> 00:04:57,083
(alarm ringing)
♪ See you, me and Julio ♪

129
00:04:57,083 --> 00:04:59,792
♪ Down by the schoolyard. ♪

130
00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:01,834
Okay, that last one
didn't happen,

131
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,667
but we still make
a great team.

132
00:05:08,583 --> 00:05:10,583
Hmm?

133
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:11,542
Yes!

134
00:05:11,542 --> 00:05:13,542
The glory of State awaits!

135
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:16,542
I'm still recovering
from a s-st-stroke,

136
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:19,291
so I'd appreciate it if you boys
would keep an eye on me.

137
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,625
Whatever. Let's roll.

138
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:25,542
BUS DRIVER:
Do you boys smell
b-burnt toast?

139
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,208
NAPOLEON:
Yes. But I'm not sharing.

140
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,166
Okay, Pedro.

141
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:40,500
You better tie this
around your waist.
Why?

142
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,083
So we don't get separated
when I get mobbed.

143
00:05:43,083 --> 00:05:44,333
I'm a superstar here.

144
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:45,834
Whatever you say,
Napoleon.

145
00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:50,333
Uh...

146
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,500
Hello?

147
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,208
It's okay, Napoleon.

148
00:05:53,208 --> 00:05:54,417
I'll still wear the rope.

149
00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:58,458
Oh, my gosh,
it's Napoleon Dynamite!

150
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,333
(kids screaming excitedly)
Ay!

151
00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,291
I've never been this
high in the air before.

152
00:06:02,291 --> 00:06:04,166
Welcome to my world, Pedro.

153
00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:09,041
KIP:
Good-bye, Tina.

154
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:11,875
RICO:
So how do you guys like
living in a van so far?

155
00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:13,583
It's fun being
homeless, ain't it?

156
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,792
I'm hungry.
And I never got
to finish my bath.

157
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:17,834
Say no more.

158
00:06:17,834 --> 00:06:19,792
I'm gonna teach you two
to live Rico-style.

159
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:27,041
You ready, Kipper?

160
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:28,125
Are you sure about this?

161
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,291
Oh, boy.

162
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,166
Whoa!

163
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:38,375
Wow, Kipper,

164
00:06:38,375 --> 00:06:40,417
you look like
an Acapulco cliff diver.

165
00:06:40,417 --> 00:06:42,625
You said you were gonna
get me something to eat.

166
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,542
Ask, and ye shall
receive, Carlinda.

167
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,333
Today's the day the soccer moms

168
00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:51,458
clean out their minivans.

169
00:06:51,458 --> 00:06:53,875
Juice boxes, string cheese,
stick candy...

170
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,333
It's a treasure trove
for the culinary magpie.

171
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,375
Is that jerky?

172
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,208
Ah!

173
00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:00,250
Hey!

174
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:01,625
A dry cleaning receipt.

175
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:04,125
Looks like I got me
a new pantsuit.

176
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:05,375
Nice.

177
00:07:05,375 --> 00:07:07,792
I judge a pig
like I judge a woman--

178
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:08,875
by her personality,

179
00:07:08,875 --> 00:07:09,834
and back fat.

180
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:12,500
ALL:
Ah...

181
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,875
Thanks, Amanda.

182
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:14,917
(squeals)

183
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,458
Okay, I'll sign
your eggs now.

184
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:18,166
(kids talking indistinctly)

185
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:19,250
MAN: Hyah!
(whip cracks)

186
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:22,291
Whoa, girl.
Easy now.

187
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,417
What the crap? Filson?

188
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:27,542
Who's Filson?

189
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:30,166
FFA champion,

190
00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,500
five years running.

191
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,209
Until last year,
when I wasted you.

192
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:43,291
ANNOUNCER:
Looks like Filson has
this in the bag, folks.

193
00:07:43,291 --> 00:07:44,417
(cows moos)

194
00:07:44,417 --> 00:07:45,875
Wait! I don't believe it!

195
00:07:45,875 --> 00:07:47,834
Dynamite's going full udder!

196
00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,583
(cheering)

197
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:51,625
Sweet!

198
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:53,625
Yes!

199
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:57,250
You were wearing
a sport bra?

200
00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:59,834
It was a men's "action bra."
Shut up!

201
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,500
What are you doing here, Filson?

202
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,542
I thought you graduated.
Nope.

203
00:08:03,542 --> 00:08:04,583
Failed English.

204
00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:05,834
(kids gasp)

205
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:07,083
But you're great at English.

206
00:08:07,083 --> 00:08:08,875
Is I, Napoleon? Is I?

207
00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:10,125
(kids gasp)

208
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,458
You failed on purpose!

209
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,333
You didn't think I was gonna
let you have all the glory

210
00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:14,333
and the women, did you?

211
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:16,166
You don't care about
the FFA, Filson.

212
00:08:16,166 --> 00:08:17,583
Your jacket's not
even regulation.

213
00:08:17,583 --> 00:08:18,875
You tore off the sleeves,

214
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,417
and it's supposed to be
zipped up all the way.

215
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,041
Nobody likes a bad boy
who doesn't play by the rules.

216
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:25,041
He's so bad.

217
00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:26,917
What are you guys doing?

218
00:08:26,917 --> 00:08:28,166
Stop looking at him!

219
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:31,583
Whoo! FFA!
Step back, kiss myself.

220
00:08:31,583 --> 00:08:33,583
(cheering)

221
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,542
Pedro!

222
00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,291
Sorry.

223
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:45,875
GRANDMA:
Rico, what are you doing?

224
00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,041
I want to watch TV!

225
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:48,500
RICO:
When you live in a van,

226
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,083
the whole world is your
personal television set.

227
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,625
I do love
my trashy family dramas.

228
00:08:53,625 --> 00:08:57,291
Well, enjoy the latest episode
of329 Oneida Street.

229
00:08:57,291 --> 00:08:59,667
(music begins playing)
Okay, let me
get you caught up.

230
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,458
Last week,
that girl there,

231
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,834
she crashed her daddy's Miata
into a Cheesecake Factory.

232
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,041
That's not good.

233
00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:07,041
And the mama thinks her
husband's cheating on her,

234
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:08,291
but he's just
being secretive

235
00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:09,667
'cause he's planning
her birthday party.

236
00:09:09,667 --> 00:09:11,875
Oh, also,
he's cheating on her.

237
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:13,458
This is my kind of show.

238
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:15,542
Hey! You in the van!

239
00:09:15,542 --> 00:09:18,667
Uh-oh. Uh, I'll be back
after this short break.

240
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,875
I told you to take
your peeping eyes elsewhere!

241
00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:21,875
(Kip yells)

242
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,000
(punches landing)
KIP: My blouse! Ouch!

243
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,625
KIP:
Geez!

244
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,166
♪ ♪

245
00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:30,209
(sniffs)

246
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:34,875
Filson may have
the glorious mane of a lion,

247
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:38,125
but he wouldn't know
a silty loam from a sandy clay.

248
00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:40,667
Help! Help! Napoleon!

249
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,875
The Egg Queen!
She needs me!

250
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,041
But the judges are coming, and
my knowledge of dirt is limited.

251
00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,375
Your Majesty!
What's wrong?

252
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,166
That billy goat stole my tiara.

253
00:09:51,875 --> 00:09:53,542
Not on my watch.

254
00:09:54,625 --> 00:09:56,625
Give it back, goat!

255
00:09:56,625 --> 00:09:57,625
(goat chokes)

256
00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,750
How could I ever repay you?

257
00:10:05,750 --> 00:10:08,250
Your buttermilk complexion
and livestock thighs

258
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,417
are reward enough.

259
00:10:09,417 --> 00:10:10,417
(giggles)

260
00:10:10,417 --> 00:10:11,959
You're so sweet.

261
00:10:12,041 --> 00:10:15,583
I'm gonna treat you to some
fried dough and apple dandies.

262
00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:16,750
Sorry.

263
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,291
I've got soil to judge.

264
00:10:18,291 --> 00:10:20,125
Soil will always be around,

265
00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:21,750
but I won't.

266
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,291
Uh...

267
00:10:23,291 --> 00:10:24,500
(goofy laugh)

268
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,458
Okay.

269
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,083
(giggles)

270
00:10:27,083 --> 00:10:28,959
Now, we could stand here
talking all day

271
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:32,417
about how the 45-degree angle of
this land is poor for drainage,

272
00:10:32,417 --> 00:10:35,166
but why criticize
this substandard sod

273
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:37,417
when we could talk about
my new low-rise flare-leg jeans!

274
00:10:37,417 --> 00:10:38,458
Yeah!

275
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,000
Come on!
(cheering)

276
00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:43,083
He's accurate
and sexy.

277
00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:47,208
We're going to need an
answer from Team Dynamite.

278
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:48,875
How would you
evaluate this soil?

279
00:10:49,959 --> 00:10:52,458
It's pretty good, I guess.

280
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:54,583
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.

281
00:10:54,583 --> 00:10:56,583
Eh... I also have jeans.

282
00:10:56,583 --> 00:10:59,458
(grunting)

283
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:02,667
(chuckles)

284
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,417
Nicole, quit tickling me.

285
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:07,083
(both laughing)

286
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,291
Oh, I wish it were
pioneer times

287
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:11,834
'cause I think
we'd be married right now.

288
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:13,542
Napoleon, we just lost
the first event

289
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:14,875
because you weren't here.

290
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,500
Really? Sorry.

291
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,834
Oh, it's all my fault.

292
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:19,959
We spent the last hour
tickle-fighting.

293
00:11:19,959 --> 00:11:21,125
But don't worry,

294
00:11:21,125 --> 00:11:22,917
there's plenty
of events tomorrow.

295
00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,917
Yeah, Pedro.
It'll be fine.

296
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,917
Loosen up, bro.

297
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:30,959
Are you finished?

298
00:11:30,959 --> 00:11:32,792
Nicole, can you give us
a second?

299
00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:34,458
Sure.

300
00:11:34,458 --> 00:11:36,959
Look, I know I let you down,

301
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:39,792
but even though Nicole will
probably be my wife someday,

302
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:43,291
I'm gonna put things on hold so
we can focus on the competition.

303
00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:44,333
You promise?

304
00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:46,583
I'll go tell her
right now.

305
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:49,208
Hey, Napoleon, meet me here
at midnight

306
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:50,959
for a romantic picnic.

307
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,000
Okay!

308
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,208
It's done.

309
00:11:55,208 --> 00:11:58,000
If that guy doesn't want people
watching his family,

310
00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,750
they shouldn't be
so darn entertaining.

311
00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:03,542
Shouldn't we be in a hospital
instead of a taxidermy shop?

312
00:12:03,542 --> 00:12:05,917
And pay a million dollars
for a piece of thread?!

313
00:12:05,917 --> 00:12:08,708
All Dr. Howie charges is
a couple of roadkill skunks.

314
00:12:08,708 --> 00:12:11,291
(belches)

315
00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:13,458
All done, Kip.

316
00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:14,458
Really?

317
00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,917
That didn't hurt at all.

318
00:12:15,917 --> 00:12:17,792
Howie's fixed me up
plenty of times.

319
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,917
He even replaced my bit-off ear
with one from a wolf.

320
00:12:28,542 --> 00:12:30,166
(grunts)

321
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,708
Your Majesty?

322
00:12:34,708 --> 00:12:37,750
(soft music playing)

323
00:12:39,542 --> 00:12:42,291
"Close your eyes
and make a wish.

324
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:44,875
Love, your Queen."

325
00:12:44,875 --> 00:12:46,125
Nicole!

326
00:12:46,125 --> 00:12:47,500
Pedro?!

327
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,208
I thought you were
putting things on hold.

328
00:12:49,208 --> 00:12:50,708
You lied to me,
Napoleon.

329
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,000
I don't care. Get out of here!

330
00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,166
I'm about to have a secret
dinner with my woman.

331
00:12:54,166 --> 00:12:55,917
In a hole?

332
00:12:55,917 --> 00:12:57,458
It's not a hole.
It's our love dungeon.

333
00:12:57,458 --> 00:12:58,959
Well, I don't think
she loves you.

334
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:01,083
Look, her apples are fake.

335
00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:03,166
(engine rumbling)
What? Huh?

336
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,291
(both gasping)

337
00:13:08,667 --> 00:13:11,458
(both grunting)

338
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,083
Look what you've accidentally
done, my sweet!

339
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:16,583
You're even dumber than
Filson said you were.

340
00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:17,750
Filson?!

341
00:13:17,750 --> 00:13:18,917
I wasn't gonna lose

342
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,375
to you two years in
a row, Napoleon.

343
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:21,750
Now, enjoy some
fireworks

344
00:13:21,750 --> 00:13:23,625
while I make out
with my fiancée.

345
00:13:23,625 --> 00:13:26,083
Pop me some sugar!
(moans)

346
00:13:26,083 --> 00:13:28,250
What?!
That's it, Nicole.

347
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:29,750
You gotta decide right now--

348
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:31,625
him or me.
(groans)

349
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:37,583
Don't worry, Pedro,
she'll be back.

350
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:38,917
You're crazy, Napoleon.

351
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,750
Even the earthworms
are laughing at us.

352
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,208
(giggling)

353
00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,542
You begged me to come, Napoleon.

354
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:46,125
You said we were going
to be a team and rob banks!

355
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,208
Well, you're a freaking
crappy teammate!

356
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:50,250
Curtis never would've
let this happen to me.

357
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,166
He knew how to
bridle my passions.

358
00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:53,750
Well, I'm not Curtis.

359
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,291
I'm Pedro Montoya
Carlos Sanchez

360
00:13:55,291 --> 00:13:57,500
and you have shamed
and betrayed me. (spits)

361
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,291
I don't care how
many names you have!

362
00:13:59,291 --> 00:14:01,166
You're dead!

363
00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:02,750
(both grunting)

364
00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:11,041
(grunting continues)

365
00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:16,375
Hey, sounds like Napoleon's
in trouble.

366
00:14:16,375 --> 00:14:18,291
Pedro, too.

367
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,208
Man, I love my wolf ear.

368
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:25,542
(both grunting weakly)

369
00:14:29,959 --> 00:14:31,583
All right, Pedro,
I'm sorry.

370
00:14:31,583 --> 00:14:33,834
I really did shatter
both our dreams.

371
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:35,625
I forgive you, Napoleon.

372
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,959
You were blinded by love.

373
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:40,917
Someday when people find
our dead, decroded bodies,

374
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,291
I hope they realize
that we were best buds.

375
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,208
Let's make a friendship loogie.

376
00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:46,458
(both hawking)

377
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,458
Buried alive, huh?
I know what that's like.

378
00:14:55,458 --> 00:14:56,708
Get us out of here!

379
00:14:56,708 --> 00:14:57,708
I'm on it!

380
00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,708
Ow!
Ah!

381
00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,375
GRANDMA:
Hit it, Rico!

382
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,625
(both gasping)

383
00:15:04,625 --> 00:15:06,792
(tires screech)

384
00:15:06,792 --> 00:15:08,291
Let's go, Pedro!

385
00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:10,166
The finals have
already started!

386
00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:15,792
American.

387
00:15:15,792 --> 00:15:17,291
(applause)

388
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,500
Fiesta Mexican blend.

389
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,542
(applause)

390
00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:24,583
And...

391
00:15:31,208 --> 00:15:32,875
Uh...

392
00:15:34,208 --> 00:15:35,417
Swiss?

393
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:36,375
Correct.

394
00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:37,458
(cheering)

395
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,875
Whoo! FFA!

396
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,708
NAPOLEON:
Lame.

397
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,667
What the...?!
I thought I murdered you guys!

398
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,750
Looks like you just got
kissed by a rose from the grave.

399
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,208
Listen, you
gorgeous SOB,

400
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:52,291
if you ever bury one
of my boys again,

401
00:15:52,291 --> 00:15:55,750
you're gonna become the
bad smell in my attic.

402
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,708
Looky here, your grandpa can
threaten me all he wants,

403
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,583
but I've already got this thing
in the bag.

404
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:05,667
Plus, one of the judges
is braiding my hair.

405
00:16:05,667 --> 00:16:07,083
Oh, I can still be
impartial.

406
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:10,166
Come on, Pedro.
Let's rock this mother.

407
00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:23,458
(bleating)

408
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,333
(baby giggling)

409
00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:33,166
(cheering)

410
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:38,417
Thanks, I was getting
all freaked out down there.

411
00:16:38,417 --> 00:16:39,375
Ooh!
(water splashes)

412
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:47,959
(sighs)

413
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,417
(device clicking)

414
00:16:52,208 --> 00:16:54,083
Mmm...
Mm-hmm.

415
00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:04,167
(whinnies happily)

416
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:10,458
Well, it appears we have a tie
between Team Filson--

417
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,041
I love you, Filson--

418
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,208
and Team Dynamite.

419
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,166
You know it.

420
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:16,375
There's only one way
to settle this.

421
00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:19,708
One member from each team
must recite the FFA creed.

422
00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:20,750
(audience gasps)

423
00:17:20,750 --> 00:17:23,417
The creed! Sweet!
I got this.

424
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,875
Filson, you're up.

425
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,500
(applause)

426
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:30,917
(applause ceases)

427
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,375
I believe in the future
of agriculture

428
00:17:33,375 --> 00:17:36,417
with a faith born not of words
but of deeds.

429
00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:40,083
I believe that to live and work
on a good farm is pleasant

430
00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:41,583
as well as challenging.

431
00:17:41,583 --> 00:17:45,083
...for I know the joys and
discomforts of agricultural life

432
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:48,667
which, even in hours of
discouragement, I cannot deny.

433
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:49,708
(blows air)

434
00:17:49,708 --> 00:17:50,792
(chirping)

435
00:17:50,792 --> 00:17:52,291
ALL:
Aw...

436
00:17:52,291 --> 00:17:55,375
I can exert an influence
in my home and community

437
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:59,792
which will stand solid for my
part in that inspiring task.

438
00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:06,250
(cheering)

439
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,417
That flag always makes me wish
I hadn't deserted my unit.

440
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,875
My name is Napoleon Dynamite,

441
00:18:17,209 --> 00:18:19,875
and here's my way better version
of the creed:

442
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:23,166
I believe in the future
of agriculture,

443
00:18:23,166 --> 00:18:26,291
with a faith born
not of words but of deeds.

444
00:18:26,291 --> 00:18:28,208
That's it, Nicole,
go for his pits.

445
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,708
(laughing)

446
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,500
He's blaspheming our creed!

447
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,667
(audience booing)

448
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:34,875
On behalf of the
Future Farmers of America,

449
00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:36,500
I revoke your membership.

450
00:18:36,500 --> 00:18:39,834
You are no longer a future
farmer or an American.

451
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:42,250
No!
(fingers snap)

452
00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:45,166
Hey, stop
dragging me! Gosh!

453
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,834
And now we'd like to bring
Filson up

454
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,250
so we can reveal
who the winner is.

455
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:50,625
Wait!

456
00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:53,708
Even though Napoleon is
a crappy friend sometimes,

457
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,500
he truly loves the FFA.

458
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,834
So while you were tearing
the patch off his jacket,

459
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:58,959
I wrote this song.

460
00:18:58,959 --> 00:19:01,375
(ballad playing)

461
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:08,291
♪ I was thinking
the other day ♪

462
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:12,291
♪ As Napoleon zipped his jacket
up all the way ♪

463
00:19:12,291 --> 00:19:15,083
♪ How he's proud
to be in the FFA ♪

464
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:21,000
♪ He loves to milk cows
and shear sheep ♪

465
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,291
♪ Judges piggies in his sleep ♪

466
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:29,041
♪ He can make
a grown horse weep ♪

467
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:32,125
♪ He's proud to say ♪

468
00:19:32,125 --> 00:19:34,708
♪ He's in the FFA ♪

469
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:36,875
♪ And I'm proud to say ♪

470
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:40,542
♪ He's my best hombre ♪

471
00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,875
♪ And I know
I wouldn't trade him ♪

472
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000
♪ For food or hay. ♪

473
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,333
(audience cheering)

474
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,625
(sniffles)

475
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:55,583
That was the most beautiful song
about farming I've ever heard,

476
00:19:55,583 --> 00:19:59,333
and I'm including "Old McDonald"
and "Jimmy Crack Corn."

477
00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:00,834
(audience murmurs approval)

478
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:03,250
This is what the FFA
is all about:

479
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,917
friendship, loyalty,
and timely membership payments.

480
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,208
Therefore, I declare
Team Dynamite the winner!

481
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:11,750
(cheering)

482
00:20:13,208 --> 00:20:15,708
Y'all want to see my Speedo?

483
00:20:15,708 --> 00:20:17,417
(audience gasping)

484
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,750
Put your pants
back on, son.

485
00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:19,875
Nobody cares.

486
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:22,417
You don't like this one,
I got another.

487
00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:24,291
(fabric tears)
Oops! No, I don't!

488
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:26,750
Welcome back to the FFA, son.

489
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,375
Sweet!

490
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:30,208
Nice save, Pedro.

491
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,250
Curtis never would've done
that for me.

492
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:33,750
You were right, Napoleon.

493
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:36,458
We do make a pretty
awesome team.

494
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:38,708
Hey, Pedro,
don't tell Deb

495
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,875
about all that
tickling junk, okay?

496
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,375
I saw nothing.

497
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,959
Sure is good to have
our house back, Kipper.

498
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,959
It'll be nice to stretch out
and have you razor my corns.

499
00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,417
Dang it.

500
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,333
Grandma, Rico's
talking to his van.

501
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:56,542
Yup.
He's pretty lonely.

502
00:20:56,542 --> 00:20:59,291
It was fun having company,
wasn't it, Santana?

503
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:04,250
Aw, crap.

504
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,125
Nah, I wasn't ignoring
you, Santana.

505
00:21:06,125 --> 00:21:08,542
I just had family over.

506
00:21:08,542 --> 00:21:09,834
Hey, Uncle Rico,
it still smells

507
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,333
kinda poison-y
in the house.

508
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:14,417
Would it be okay
if we stay one more night?

509
00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:17,417
Okay, Napoleon, last week,
the father got arrested

510
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:18,959
for beating up
a Peeping Tom

511
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:21,166
who, in a hilarious twist,
turned out to be Kip!

512
00:21:21,166 --> 00:21:22,959
NAPOLEON:
That daughter's pretty hot.

513
00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:24,375
GRANDMA:
Not for long

514
00:21:24,375 --> 00:21:27,542
if she keeps eating meat loaf
like that!

515
00:21:27,542 --> 00:21:29,083
NAPOLEON:
Rude.